It’s been a while, eh?
Countless resources and advice from people who send out newsletters will tell you not to do what I’m doing now: Draw attention to a lack of productivity. But I’ve never really adhered to that advice, and this newsletter has undergone fits and starts, different formats related to my life circumstances at the time (e.g., when I was publishing shorter dispatches every single day during an unemployed stretch of the pandemic), and as those life circumstances have changed, I’ve fallen off with writing as regularly as I’d like to. Most of the time, it was just that: I’d fallen off. The desire to write was still there, but I was just buried by other events and obligations and simply didn’t carve out enough time to get to these newsletters.
This long break has been different though.
On April 14, 2023, my dad died. In the weeks before, he’d had multiple stays in the hospital, but ultimately, the cancer proved too much, too fast, and he passed peacefully in our home, surrounded by his wife and his children.
Me, my dad, and my brother at my sister’s house for my niece’s 3rd birthday party. It didn’t feel so much as a last picture with him as it did a first picture with him; he just wasn’t a fan of having his picture taken. My brother joked that it only took 28 years to get that picture, and he wasn’t really joking all that much. I wish I weren’t squinting so hard, but if anything, it was just because I was so happy to be taking the picture.
The last day I sent out a newsletter — March 20 — was the day we learned of his diagnosis. I was home for a large amount of that time, and honestly, my mind wasn’t on writing this newsletter, no matter how much joy it brings me.
That feeling has persisted largely. It’s hard to find the motivation. It’s perhaps cliche, but it’s true what people say of grief: It drains your world of any color; everything becomes a kind of gray.
But I want to bring back some of that color. I’m trying to figure out how best to do that, and it’s an ongoing search. Writing and creating this little newsletter will definitely be a part of it going forward though.
So I’m writing simply to let you know where I’ve been, and perhaps have you not have to wonder about why I’m suddenly writing about death or grief or mourning (as I undoubtedly will at some point).
Beyond that, there’s a practical reason for my writing to you: Before my dad passed, I was in the process of changing my website and newsletter service. I wanted them under one roof, so to speak.
So I’ll be moving off of Substack; this will be my last post using this service. My website (still www.carylittlejohn.com) will now be hosted using Ghost, and from there, I’ll continue to publish Critical Linking.
Your subscription to this newsletter will not be affected; it will still arrive in your inbox the same as ever (just be advised that because it’s coming from a different provider, it might show up in a different tab in your inbox).
Thanks for letting me share my life with you, and I look forward to sharing more of it in the near future, plus lots of great links and recommendations to what I’ve been reading and watching and listening to.
Sincerely,
CL
I'm so sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and your loved ones as you find your way through the wilderness that is grief.